Everything is different now
It is amazing how in one instant everything can feel like it changed. Just days ago I was planning how I would manage to dress properly for canoing when my wet suit doesn’t fit any longer. I had written a list of projects we needed to accomplish to prepare for biking, canoing, camping and hiking this summer. I was thinking through how to travel with a baby for my cousin’s wedding next year and realizing that I would never have a Christmas alone with James – ever. Life as we knew it was changing rapidly and everything our future had to offer had to allow room for our baby. And now that has changed. Where I had a bulge, my belly is now flat and feels hollow. The rocking chair I bought to make my pregnancy more comfortable is now just a chair. The extra hours aren’t mainly to work up hours for maternity leave and prepare for a baby, they are to continue planning our life, as just the two of us, so far. The decisions coming up soon no longer include what nursery furniture to purchase or what color scheme the nursery will have, they include whether to try again or stop trying. The whole world has changed. And even the percoset can’t change that reality.
